Humor for Father's Day

Resources by DPS

   
Five Original Excuses to use if you forgot to call
"Dear Old Dad" on Father's Day:

5. "Your E-mail bounced."
4. "Thought you were supposed to call me."
3. "Did I surprise you by calling the day after Father's Day?"
2. Two words: "NBA Finals"
1. "I thought it was Mother's Day and called Mom instead."

Does your Dad speak with the voice of Reason or the
voice of Doom? What fatherly sayings had the biggest
influence on your life? Here are some fatherly sayings:

Don't ask me, ask your mother.
Were you raised in a barn? Close the door.
You didn't beat me. I let you win.
I'll play catch after I read the paper.
A little dirt never hurt anyone-just wipe it off.
You call that a haircut?
This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
You call that noise "music"?
We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.
When I was your age, I treated MY father with respect.
As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.
I’ll tell you why. Because I said so. That’s why.
Do what I say, not what I do.
You want something to do? I’ll give you something to do.
You should visit more often. Your mother worries.
I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel.
What do you think I am, a bank?
What part of NO don't you understand?
Didn't your teacher learn you anything?

Father's Day One-Liners:

• This is what my son said to me when he returned from
  boot-camp. "Dad, you're not as dumb as I thought".

• On the occasion of my brother's 21st birthday, my Dad
  said," Happy Birthday son. Now that you are a legal adult,
  remember you can go to jail with the big boys!"

• My dad always said "You can't get lost if you don't know
  where you are." clw in co

• My father's wise words have kept me out of some trouble,
  but not all...he used to say frequently, "Whenever in doubt
  don't!" Unfortunately I didn't doubt enough. BB in IL

This is a true story. One day, when I was about 19 years old, I
was changing the toilet paper roll, and unfortunately dropped the
wooden dowel down the toilet. My father was pretty angry with
me for my mistake. But he set out to take apart the fixture to
remove the dowel. He went into the basement to shut off the
water, and wanted me to help. I unfortunately turned the wrong
 valve and he got blasted with water. When he got dried off, I
drove him to the plumbing supply house for parts. By then I was
 even more upset, so when I parked the car I unfortunately got too
 close to the curb, rubbed the tire and got a flat. My poor Dad
changed the tire, bought the parts, fixed the toilet, turned back
on the water, and went on with his day. He passed away over
15 years ago, but I still remember his patience and restraint of
that day. Happy Father's Day, Dad!

_______

 

My dad and myself, never really had a chance to know each other
until I graduated from Bible college and was married. He was an active
drinker (high volume) until I was a late teen. One Sunday afternoon as
my wife and and I were leaving my parents house, I leaned over and
gave pop a hug. He grabbed me very tightly and in my ear said "I love
 you son," - The first time I ever remember him saying that! I told him
 the same and left the house on cloud nine. That "tradition" has not changed
for over 16 years now! Dads, TELL YOUR KIDS YOU LOVE THEM
AND LOOK THEM IN THE EYE WHEN YOU DO IT!

Humor for the Pentecost Season

Dramatic Decoration for Pentecost with colorful drapes
Photo by Marcia McFee

In Case of Experiencing Sudden Pentecost Symptoms:

If you suddenly find yourself caught in an indoor tornado and your scalp on fire, it might be ...Pentecost.

Know what to do:

Notify the front desk.

Fight the urge to stop, drop and roll - You ain't puttin; this Fiyah out!

Make disciples of all nations!

Invest in a toupee. Bald preachers are shady.

 

Pentecost is stifled?
OUR parish priest had a flair for the dramatic. He got the idea of having a pigeon released from the belfry on Pentecost just at the moment when, on the church steps in front of the procession of worshipers, he would say, "Come, Holy Spirit!"   Pentecost came, and the sacristan put a pigeon in a bag, went upstairs to the belfry and waited. When the priest pronounced the words, nothing happened.  A few seconds later, we heard a voice from the belfry, "It's stifled!"

Trying to be more "Pentecostal?"
While preaching a revival a couple of years back I was sitting on the platform with the pastor during what was a rather stirring Pentecostal worship service. As the the people were singing and praising the Lord, the words to an old hymn came to my mind that would go very well with my sermon that night. I quickly grabbed a song book from nearby, looked up the song and hurriedly attempted to memorize the page number.(#238)  Right about that time a 'fresh wave of worship' began to swell among the entire church as people began to leap to their feet and shout praises unto the Lord. Wanting to join them I laid aside the book and rose to shout "Hallelujah!"  Instead of the intended shout of praise, however, what I heard myself cry out was "Page 238" !!!

Too much excitement in church?
A father took his 5-year-old son to several baseball games where The Star-Spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game. Then the father and son attended a church on a Sunday shortly before Independence Day. The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, "PLAY BALL!!!"

Pentecostal Faith:
A little boy told by his mother that he might go on a picnic she had previously forbidden sighed, "It's too late Mummy, I've already prayed for rain."
 

Is anybody out there?
As a student in CPE I worked in a women's prison with Pentecostal and Baptist women in the congregation. As a Presbyterian it was a shock when they would reply as I preached. I began to like the dialogue with them. "Amen, Sister." Then I went to a Presbyterian Church, I wondered if anyone was out in the congregation. I was tempted to ask them. I got my answer when people filed out and an old woman said, "I sat by the fan and couldn't hear a word but I am sure you were fine."  --Sue in Cuba, KS

Humor for Pastor Appreciation Day / Month