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Light Bulb Humor
 
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How many Catholics does it take to screw in light bulb?


None, they use candles

by Marty


 

How many country and western / southern gospel singers does it take to change
a light bulb ?

Five ... one to change the light bulb and a quartet to sing about how much
they long and pine for the old one ...

Howard A. Kalish

Q: How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:10--One to change the bulb and 9 others to share the experience.

Q: How many New Age gurus does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: none---change must come from within.
 

Q.  How many Microsoft engineers does it take to
change a light bulb?

None.  Microsoft has redefined darkness to be the new
standard.
 

Question:  How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer:  Change a lightbulb????   Why...my grandmother gave that lightbulb!!!!
 
Father Steve, Little Falls, NY

 

How many Baptist does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:  9 – One to change the lightbulb, seven to form a committee on the changing of the bulb and one to make a casserole.  submitted by Josh Tanner

 

How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None.  I'll sit here in the dark.  I'm fine.  It's not like I got any letters to read.

Submitted by Nat Seymour

 
Q: How many Anglicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, first you have to form a committee.....  Submitted by Helen Hall

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.          Keith Manning

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light
bulb?  3. 1 to turn it, and 2 to catch it when it falls.

How many Nazarenes does it take to change a Light bulb? Which Light bulb? Who put that one in? Who is supposed to change Light bulbs? Where is the ladder? Which ladder? Who used it last? Who is in charge of the Ladder? “I make a motion we adjourn”

TRRFCC, Herb

Q: HOW MANY METHODISTS DOES IT TAKE
TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: Undetermined.
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely
out, you are loved -- you can be a lightbulb, turnip
bulb, or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is
planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your
choice and a covered dish.



Q: HOW MANY JEWISH RENEWAL
RABBIS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A
LIGHTBULB?

A: Depends.
One if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be
lit by electricity from nuclear power. Two, as long
as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns
putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to
do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the
change, and one to document the paradigm shift in
a best-selling book called "The Jew in the
Lightbulb." Four, same as above plus an additional
rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of
such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on
the experience.

 

Q: HOW MANY ZEN BUDDHISTS DOES IT
TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: Three.
One to change the lightbulb, one NOT to change the
lightbulb, and one to neither change nor not change
the lightbulb.
 



Q: HOW MANY EPISCOPALIANS DOES IT
TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

What? Change the lightbulb?  My grandmother donated that lightbulb.


 Q: HOW MANY EXISTENTIALISTS DOES IT
TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?

A: Two.
One to screw it in and one to observe how the
lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent
beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of
endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of
nothingness.
 



Q: HOW MANY QUAKERS DOES IT TAKE TO
CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?


A: None.
Who needs a lightbulb when you have an inner
light?
 



Q: HOW MANY SOUTHERN BAPTISTS
DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?


A: One hundred and nine.
Seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee,
who report to the twelve on the Lightbulb Task
Force, appointed by the fifteen on the Trustee
Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the
Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it
on the agenda of the eighteen-member Finance
Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to
the twenty-seven Member church Board, who
appoint another twelve-member review committee.
If they recommend that the Church Board proceed,
a resolution is brought to the Congregational
Business Meeting. They appoint another
eight-member review committee. If their report to
the next Congregational Business Meeting supports
the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation
votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the
lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board,
who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to
find the best price in new lightbulbs. Their
recommendation of which hardware is the best buy
must then be reviewed by the
twenty-three-member Ethics Committee to make
certain that this hardware store has no connection
to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee
Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge
of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By
then the janitor discovers that one more lightbulb
has burned out.

 

How many times does it take for a pastor to change a light bulb?

We don't know, everyone fell asleep while he was giving a sermon on it.

How many Scots does it take to change a light bulb?

16, one to hold it and 15 to get drunk and make the room spin.
 

How many times did it take for Bill Clinton to change a light bulb?

We'll never know, every time he tells anyone, they never believe him

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. If God wants the light bulb to be changed, He will do it Himself.

How many in the "Church of Christ" does it take to change a light bulb?   Where is the scriptural authority for a light bulb?

How many divorced church men does it take to change a light bulb? >> None. The sockets go with the house.

How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? 10 - one to actually change it and 9 to say they could have done it better!

How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? > >One to change the bulb, and 16 million to boycott the maker of the old bulb for bringing darkness into the Church.

How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb? >None. The old one is complete and sufficient unto itself, and should not be changed according to the world's whims. >Four. One to call the electrician, one to clear it with the vestry, and two to argue about how much better candles were. >Five. One to screw in the new bulb and four to found an organization for the preservation of the old bulb. >A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.

How many United Church members (in Canada) does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb HAS chosen an alternative light style?

How many Assmbly of God church members does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, he already has his hands in the air.

How many post-modernists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Each and every one of us.

How many Yuppie Wives does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to mix the drinks and one to call the electrician.

How many Bishops does it take to change a light bulb in the Lutheran church?  It depends on whether or not the light bulb is already in historic succession.

How many Amish does it take to screw in a lightbulb? What is a lightbulb?

How many Mennonites does it take to change a light bulb? 10. One to change the bulb, five to cook and four to talk about how good the old light bulb is.

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
Nun

How many pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?  1 and 99 to cast out the spirit of darkness!!

Official United Methodist responses to the question,
"How many United methodists does it take to change
a light bulb?"

"Change?!?"

"You can't change that light bulb! Harry Finnigan's family
gave that as a memorial during the big merger."

And or course, my favorite...
 This Statement was issued.
   "We neither affirm nor reject the use of a lightbulb.
If you have found a lightbulb helpful in your journey,
that is good. If one would wish, they could submit an
original poem or interpretive dance about their lightbulb,
or light source, or non-dark resource, for the annual
lightbulb celebration, where a variety of light bulb
traditions will be explored, including long-life,
incandescent, three-way, and tinted, all of which
are valid paths to luminescence."

--Bracken Sheldon
 

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows because when the light comes on they all scatter.

How many Amish DITTCALB? "What's a light bulb?" How many youth pastors DITTCALB? Youth pastors aren't around long enought for a light bulb to burn out

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb? Twenty-two: One to hold the ladder, One to climb the ladder, Ten to form a committee to evaluate the effectiveness of the old light bulb, and Ten to form a committee for a pot-luck to welcome in the new light bulb.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb? Twenty-two One to hold the ladder One to climb the ladder Ten to form a committee to evaluate the effectiveness of the old light bulb and Ten to form a committee for a pot-luck to welcome in the new light bulb.

How many choir directors does it take to change a light bulb? No one know. No one ever watches them!

How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has really got to want to change.

What result would you get by asking a "real Man" to change a light bulb? None, a "real Man" is not afraid of the dark ever, you really afraid?

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

"That's ok...I can sit in the dark just fine...no need to worry about me...I really can take of myself...I'm not trying to be a burden to you, Itzhak."

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

"That's ok...I can sit in the dark just fine...no need to worry about me...I really can take of myself...I'm not trying to be a burden to you, Itzhak."

How many European Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

The Reverend Mother composes a homiliy for the occasion of the light bulb changing while the rest of the nuns raffle-off the old one.

Q: How many Southern Baptist does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: The whole congregation. The pastor sits back and does absolutely nothing regarding the work. A light bulb changing committee is formed to check into lightbulbs. Another committee is formed that actually goes about the changing of the bulb. The women of the church bring a potluck supper, and the deacons sit around and discuss how good the old lightbulb used to be.

How many chiropracter's does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but it takes six visits.

How many church members does it take to change a light bulb?

Change? My grandmother donated that light bulb.

Q: How many churches does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one to hold the bulb while the world keeps turning around it.

 

 
 

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