A mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still. Here's how: about halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."
. A Sunday school
class was studying the Ten Commandments.
One day as we drove past a fast-food playland, my three-year-old, Logan, insisted we stop. I told him we didn't have time that day and he cried, "You have to take me to playland, it's the law! It's in the Bible!"
My friend's four-year old began Sunday School recently. When his teacher asked him if he wanted to pray for anyone, he thought for a moment and said, "Pray for Forrest Gump, he got shot in the buttocks."
My son Logan started Sunday School at eighteen months, and he liked to go to God's house. One day he told me proudly that he knew where God lived - he lived in the walls. Obviously, if it was God's house but we never saw him!
My son Jason also started Sunday School at eighteen months, and he didn't like going to church. So my grandma began teaching the nursery class to reassure him. One day the pastor asked him if he liked to learn about Jesus. He replied irritably, "I don't like Jesus; I like Grandma Louise!"
My daughter took our 3 eyear old grandson to a pee-wee football game and ran into our pastor. They talked for a few minutes and then parted. The next day on the way to church, my grandson said,"Mommy, why are we going to church again today?" She told him it was because God wants us to go to His house at least once a week, and today was set aside for Him. Then he promptly stated that he had just seen God yesterday and he was eating some popcorn at the football game.
A Sunday School teacher asked her class, “what was Jesus’ mother's name?“
My 7 yr old son told me last Sunday that you get chocolate milk from brown cows.
Thinking that I could get him to see the silliness of it all, I asked him
what kind of milk he thought red and white cows make. Without hesitation he
stated in "duh-like" manner: "strawberry milk, mom!"
A little 3Yr. old boy was crying very loud and his parents rushed into the
room. He had swallowed a penny and was convinced he was going to die. Nothing
they could say would convince him otherwise.
There was a young boy who was saying a prayer out loud one night and his brother was listening to him. This boy asked God for a fresh milkshake in the morning. His brother said: "just shake a cow and milk it. It will save God the trouble."
My son's Primary Sunday School teacher was attempting to explain the role
of a shepherd using young David as an example. After giving a brief
description, she asked the class, "Now, what does that make David?" She was
hoping one of them would say "a shepherd."
Two children were sitting in church, one about four years of age the other about six years of age. The little brother kept talking outloud, and the older sister tried to make him be quite. He very emphatically declares, who can stop me? She whispered in his ear, "Do you see those hushers back there.
A mother asked her son what the lesson was about in Sunday School that morning. "Cherry Coke," he answered confidently. > "Cherry Coke?" his mother asked. "Are you sure?" > "Oh, yes," he replied. "We even sang a song about it. 'Joshua fought the battle of Chery Coke, Cherry Coke." > John Baumgartner
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
A navy officer's little girl came back from Sunday School. She was asked what she had studied and said, "We studied the Ten Commanders.... and learned they're always broke!"
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching." Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note, "take all you want, God is watching the apples!"
Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching." Moving through the line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note, "take all you want, God is watching the apples."
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question. "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really?! How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - 'Our Father, who does art in Heaven?'"
Having listened to the nativity story at playgroup, my three year old grand daughter, Eleanor, said to the leader, "Well, I think baby Jesus got some rotten presents - Gold, Frankincense and Myrr! When my cousin, Isabel, was born I took her a teddy bear!!" > Keith Alexander
Our 5 year old daughter, Cynthia, was concerned that each time we sang a certain praise chorus, that God would stand up and lose all the candy from His lap. It took us awhile, but we finally figured out she thought we were singing, "Let God arise and His M & M's be scattered", when we were actually singing, "Let God arise and His enemies be scattered."
Two children were talking and one said to the other, "Pontius Pilot must be a tree." "Why is that so?" asked the other. "Well, Jesus was crucified under Pontius Pilot."
One Sunday morning before church I reminded my 6 year old grandson about having to be quiet during Mass. As soon as our service ended he ran up the aisle to me yelling "Did you hear me being quiet Paw Paw?"
Our daughter Lauren was 5. On the Saturday before Easter we were just finishing lunch when she jumped up excitedly and asked, "When are we going to KILL the eggs?" It took us awhile, but we finally decided she wanted to DIE the eggs. > > Danny Wiley > email@example.com
I was working in a Church run preschool when one little boy's family was blessed with triplets. Soon afterwards the little boy excitedly ran into class one morning telling us how his grandma, grandpa and all his cousins were coming to visit. I asked him why they were coming and he said with all coviction and excitement "MY BABIES ARE BEING CAPSIZED!"
Our 4-year old grandson, Alex, was riding with my wife, Lou, when a driver pulled out on her. As she is prone to do in such situations, he got to hear from her when she yelled, "Watch it, sucker!" A couple of days later, they were riding together again and a driver cut Lou off and she yelled, "Can't you use your turn signals, sucker?!" Alex says, "Yeah, watch it lollipop!" ...Bud Brooks, Pastor, Stamping Ground
Our youth minister recently was sharing with the children in "Children's Church". He began by asking if anyone knew how to fish. One little girl raised her hand and said she was a "professional fisherman." He proceeded to ask her some questions. "If you want to catch catfish, what bait do you use?" She responded, "worms". Then he asked, "If you want to catch bass, what do you use?" She repied, "garlic". Everyone laughed. Then he asked, "Well, what would you use if you wanted to catch men?" Without hesitation she said, "fried chicken."
Why did George Washington die standing up? Because he never lied!
A minister had recently moved into a new home, and discovered that he would need to get a lawn mower. He saw a young boy walking down the road, pushing an old mower. He offered to trade the boy an old bicycle for the mower. The boy ran home to get his parents approval. He returned, saying that the trade was ok by his parents. So the preacher gets the mower, and sends the boy away on a bike. The preacher then checks the fuel, etc, and pulls the cord to start the mower. The mower has other ideas. The preacher works on the mower for some time, getting tired and sweaty, but ot no avail. He looks up to see the boy riding the bike past his house. He calls the boy over to ask what is wrong with the mower. The boy replies that the mower will only start when someone gets mad and gives it a good cussing. The minister replies "Son, I am a preacher. I have practically forgotten how to cuss". The boy answers "Keep pulling the cord. You will remember". >Greg
A priest asked the children in 3rd grade CCD to quote a text from scripture for each of the sacraments. For Baptism, one child answered: "Unless you are baptized with water and the Holy Spirit you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven." For Reconciliation, another child replied: "Whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven." "Very good," said the priest, "and who can tell me a text about marriage?" There was a pause as the children hesitated, and then after a few moments one of the children said: "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do."
I had scheduled a visit with members of my congregation. When I arrived at their home, I was greeted by their grandson who looked me up and down and then asked, "Are you the creature? and then turned to his grandmother and asked, "Grandma,is this the creature?" Appears there had been conversation of my visit before my arrival. Some how, I think he was disappointed. Phil Nevius, MO
We were reading a Bedtime Bible Story to our two young boy's age 6 and 3. We were reading about the minor prophets of the Old Testament, and talked about Obadiah. My oldest son Trevar stopped me and said, "Daddy, He has the same last name as us."....submitted by Ronnie Dye,Arkansas
I taught preschool at a Methodist Church last year. I had a class of 4 and 5 year olds. We had our snack time in the kitchen which was by the sancturary and down the hall from the pastors office. On Wednesdays we had chapel and the students knew they had to stay quiet because they were in God's house. Most everyday when we went to break a certain little boy would point to the part of the building where the sanctuary was located and say, "God lives in there." But, one day he decided he would do a little investigating into the "realm of God." He got as far as the Pastor's office. He came running down the hall to where we were and yelled very excitedly, "Teacher, Teacher, God has a computer!"
On New Year's Eve Night, we walked down the road talking about the beautifull fireworks we had just seen (the entire country of Holland goes up in fireworks at midnight). My husband pointed at the stars and said to our 4 year old daughter: "Look, Ninon, that's God's firework." After pondering this for a while she said: "Do you know why God made it so high in the sky?" "No," my husband said,"why did he?" She replied with conviction: "Because He's the only one who can reach up there!"
(Kersbergen family, Holland)
In the middle of the children's sermon, I was telling the preschoolers that God makes trees and water and apples and cherries. God makes everything. Immediately one little boy complained up "God doesn't make my bed!"
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers. The younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..." His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting? God isn't deaf." to which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
Actual children's versions of Christmas Carols:
"...sleep in heavenly peas";
"Joy to the world, the Savior rains";
"This is he whom Sears of old...";
"Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o'er the plane";
"While shepherds washed their socks by night"
My son said after the offering one sunday: "God must be poor to be always needing our money!"
My children began reciting the Lord's Prayer at 2 1/2 years old and I remember my daughter very seriously praying, "Our father, whose art's in Heaven, Howard is His name..."
It was a Sunday night after church. The preacher had preached on having fire down in my bones. My mom was in a bad mood and cooking dinner for dad. I was in the kitchen when my mom burnt her hand on the pan. When she burnt herself, I said without hesitation, "Got FIRE down in your BONES?" My mom looked at me and burst out laughing.
I questioned my 4-year-old daughter on how a person gets saved. She answered that we will be saved by going to our church every Sunday and Wednesday.
When I told her that going to our church wouldn't save us, she responded: "Well then, we better find another church to go to!"
My Son was about 4 yrs. old and when we would travel on long trips I would tell him to lay down and go to sleep, that way the long trip would be over with quicker. One Sunday morning as he laid in the church pew going to sleep, I punched him and told him he needed to try to stay awake. He said to me, "Mom, I'm trying to get this over with quicker!" ...my son, Jeremy
As a Sunday School teacher of the 1st & 2nd graders, I once asked them to name things that God gives us to help us to grow. As many of the children named things like pizza, water and food, one little girl in the class as I came to her replied, "Hiccups". Children are truly a ray of sunshine. ...by Debbie, Living Word Baptist Church
The first year of my grandaughter's soft ball, she was having trouble hitting the ball so I told her to pray before she started each game and God would help her . Well, the next game it was her time to bat and she swung the bat and hit the ball and made it to second base. The next time it was her bat she went up and hit the ball and made a home run. As she finished her game she came running over to me and said, "Wow, grandma did you see that?" I said "Yes, that was wonderful! Did you pray first?" She replied with an excited voice: "Boy, did I pray to that Lord twice and it really did work!" ...by Kristen Kennedy's Grandma
In our church, we sing a song called "I Went to the Enemy's Camp". At the end of the song it says, "He's under my feet, Satan is under my feet." There is a three year old girl in our church named Taylor and every time she was asked where Jesus lived, she would say, "Jesus lives in heaven". Well, one day someone asked her, "Taylor, where does Jesus live?" To which she replied, "Jesus lives in heaven." Then the person thought it would be cute to ask her where Satan lived, thinking that she wouldn't know what to say. Without missing a beat, Taylor said, "under my feet."
Robert, age 6, and Michael, age 7, are boys who live across the street from me. Robert is black and Michael is white but they are oblivious to racial bias thanks to proper up-bringing. They have played together at each other's homes for quite some time. Finally, last week, Michael's parents asked if Robert could come over for dinner and watch a movie at their home. Robert's parents okayed it, and as he sat at the dinner table he noticed something was missing. Robert said "Where's the meat?" Michael replied, "I'm vegetarian." Robert paused and thought about it and replied back, "I'm African-American."
At Sunday school, the younger children were drawing pictures illustrating Biblical stories. The teacher walked by and noticed one little boy was drawing an airplane! "Oh, what Bible story are you drawing?" she asked. "This is the Flight into Egypt," the little boy answered. "See, here is Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. And this," he said, pointing to the front of the plane, "is Pontius. He's the Pilot."
A Sunday School teacher was attempting to teach her young students the true meaning of Easter. "Why do we celebrate Easter?" she asked. When the children replied 'because of the Easter bunny,' Easter eggs, candy, spring, etc., she said, "No, those are Easter traditions and symbols, but what is the REASON why we celebrate Easter? What happened at the very first Easter?" A little girl raised her hand and said, "Easter celebrates Jesus coming out of the tomb." "Yes!" said the teacher, excited and relieved that finally the correct answer had surfaced. Encouraged, she prompted, "Jesus arose from the tomb, and what does He do for us?" The youngster replied, "He looks to see if he can see his shadow, and if He can, he goes back in for another six weeks."
The Power of Advertisement:
The Lutherans, famous for potluck and green lime jello, held a celebration for the 6th grade class. As they moved into Junior High School, one of the 6th Grade Girls was asked to say Grace and was panic stricken. Her mother suggested she just remember everyone for their contribution and thank God for the food and the fellowship. The young girl mustered up all her courage and began:
"Dear God, I'd like to thank You for Mrs. Johnson's baked beans, and Mrs. Nelson's potato salad, and Mr. Hauge's roast beef, and Mrs. Peterson's cranberry surprise..."
The list of thanks went on for 27 more items on the potluck table. As she reached the end she said, "and Lord last but not least I'd like to thank you for the coffee... and when I say coffee, I mean FOLGERS! In Jesus name, Amen!"
Every Sunday after I finish playing the piano, I go next door with the children to teach Sunday School. One Sunday a girl was waiting in the toddler nursery and her mom asked me to be sure to go by and get her. Well, as I left the piano, I forgot. I realized at the end of class what I had done and found the little girl to apologize. Monday I also dropped a note in the mail to her. The next Sunday I made a point to go retrieve her from the nursery. "No," she said, "I want to stay here." I assured her I was really sorry and that I wouldn't forget her. "No, I want to get another letter from you," she replied.
Heard this at The Walk to Emmaus:
A little boy got a new tie for his birthday. Sunday morning, he wore the new tie to church. He was so proud of his tie. He made sure everyone noticed it. Once the congregation settled down, the preacher approached the pulpit in preparation for the offering. The preacher said, "Now is the time we give back to the Lord. Please give your tithes(ties) and offerings to Christ." The little boy looked at his father and said, "Daddy, he wants my tie!"
Angie D firstname.lastname@example.org
I was listening to the heartbeat of a child at work one day. I asked the child, "Who will I hear in your heart?" The child replied to me, "Jesus, he is in my heart." This response totally touched me. I'm so glad this child has Jesus in his heart.
Angie D email@example.com
This is a true story, told to me by a Sunday School teacher: She was teaching the children about the meaning of Good Friday and asked the group if any of them knew what happened to Jesus on that day. "Sure," piped up a little boy, "he got hammered!"
A little girl was talking with her Grandfather, who was the minister, when a call came in from a member of the congregation to pray for her. Thinking this was a good opportunity to share about prayer with his granddaughter, the minister said, "Honey, when we pray, who are we praying to?" The granddaughter replied, "Why Granddad, we're praying to Andy." "Andy? Why do you say that?" "Well, Granddad," she said, "we sang about God last week and his name is Andy." The minister asked, "Can you sing the song for me?" "Sure! Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me..."
When my son was 8 yrs of age, He was in a Christmas Pageant at our church. His line started "And the Virgin Mary was with Child." He did his line correctly at every rehearsal. On the night the of the presentation everything was going wonderful. All the children were relaxed and reciting their lines without flaw. It came time for my son to recite his line and this is exactly how it came out: "And the Viking Mary was with Child." It was quite a job for all the adults watching the presentation to restrain ourselves and not bellow out in laughter. ...Patty Lousiana
A 7-year-old boy proudly tells his father: "I finally know what the Bible means!" Surprised the father replied: "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means? What does it mean?" "That's easy, dad.......It stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth."
My son and wife and their 2 1/2 year-old son were on the way to church one Sunday. Alec, my grandson, has begun to recognize where they are traveling in town. All of a sudden, he sat up in his car seat and said, "Turn Around! Turn Around! I don't need to go to church!" At this point, without losing a beat my son answered, "But Daddy and Mommy do!"
A man and his grandson were traveling in the car, when they suddenly heard the wail of a siren. The man pulled over to the side of the road to let the speeding ambulance go by, and said, "Oh Dear God! Someone has had an accident." To which his grandson replied, "Wow, all that fuss just because someone wet his pants!"
On the first day of school, about midmorning, the kindergarten teacher
said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two
A three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. They're the only feet I got!."
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens." How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson: "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."
When visiting my grandfather's church, the vicar was saying a prayer. It
turned out to be a rather long prayer and my younger brother shouted out
'AMEN'! The vicar finished the prayer there and then!
Concerned over a raging thunderstorm, a mother picked up her six-year-old from Kindergarten. As mom and child leave the school building they are met with thunder and heavy rains. Instead of running toward the car as fast as she can, however, the child would stop, look, and smile at every lighting flash. Finally, the mother asked, "What are you doing?" Her child answered, "God keeps taking pictures of me!"
Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny, "I asked Him to help you put up with me!"
A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. "Dear God, thank you for these pancakes..." When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, "I thought I'd see if He was paying attention tonight."
A little boy's prayer: "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!...But don't shove me either!"
When my daughter was four years old, a beloved kitty died. She was thinking about Snowball when we were enroute somewhere. She said, "Is there a cat heaven?" Before we could answer her question, she added, "If there is a cat heaven, there must be a cat Jesus." ...JU
I lost my 13-yr-old brother a couple months ago, and I explained Heaven to my almost-3-yr-old son that when you get to Heaven you can't return to earth. We were at my grandmother's house and my husband was using my grandmother's recliner that vibrated. When we were eating dinner, my husband told my step-dad that when he was in the recliner he felt like he was in Heaven. My son looked at him and said, "You went to Heaven daddy? What went wrong?" ...DWright
One day during our children's sermon, I was telling the kids about how the angel came to Mary to tell her about how she would help bring Jesus into the world. One little girl seemed puzzled about this whole scene. Then another child asked what I thought the first thing Mary would have asked for after the angel left her. Instantly this little girl chimed in with "I'll bet she asked for a little help from Joseph!"
A minister was asking a group of children, "Do you know where God lives?" One excited little boy raised his hand and replied, "In the bathroom!!!" "In the bathroom?" questioned the minister. "Yes" said the boy adamantly. "What makes you think he lives there?" asked the minister. "Well, just this morning, my dad went to the bathroom door, knocked and said 'Good Lord are you still in there?'"
One day Luke (age of 3) and Lemuel(age of 2) (who are brothers) were watching TBN on channel 40 and Benny Hinn was on, laying hands on people and people were falling down. "Now," Luke told his brother Lemuel, "let's play 'In Jesus' name.'" So, Lemuel played first as Benny Hinn: he laid hands on Luke and said "In Jesus' name" and Luke purposely fell down. "Now," Luke said, "it's my turn!" So it was. Luke laid hands on Lemuel and said "In Jesus' name," but Lemuel didn't fall. So Luke told Lemuel "you have to fall!" So he pushed Lemuel, and Lemuel fell. ...LSP
One night Mom Grace told little Praise (who is 3 years old and has a dad whose a song leader in a church), "Praise, you pray now." But little Praise told her Mom, "No, I don't want to pray!" Mom Grace said to little Praise," Remember you are going to be a Pastor, so you have to pray now." But now hear what little Praise told her Mom: "No, I don't want to be a Pastor anymore, I'm just gonna be a song leader like daddy." (she thinks song leaders don't pray as hard as pastors.) ha,ha,ha.... LSP
There was a five-year-old boy who went to Sunday school, and after class his father asked him "What do you learn?" The young boy said, "The teacher told us about Moses and how he brought his people out of Egypt and when they got to the Red Sea that the pharaoh was following them with his army and Moses looked up to God and prayed for help and God sent Moses concrete to build a bridge." The father looked at his son and asked "Is that what she said?" The boy shook his head and said "No, but if you do not believe this, your not going to believe what she really said!"
One of our friends who was a pastor at a small church realized that she'd been mixing ministry and mothering a bit too much as she tried to dress her daughter in a hurry to get her ready for Sunday service. Holding the toddler's tights, she said to her daughter, "Lift up your legs." Quickly the kid responded, "We lift them up unto the Lord."
After the Christmas pageant, I asked my 6-year-old son if he remembered the gifts that the Magi brought to Jesus. He thought for a minute then said "gold, frankincense, and humor". We could all use that!
On a recent "Kids Say the Darndest Things" show, one boy answered the question "What's the best way to get into heaven" with the one-word answer: "Die."
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen."
A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
During "children's time" in the worship service, the kids came forward and the pastor, wanting to teach about prayer,asked, "How can we talk with God?" The pastor produced paper and envelope and said, "Maybe we can write God a letter. Does anyone know God's address?" The group said no. Then the pastor pulled out his cell phone and said, "Maybe we can telephone God. Does anyone know God's phone number?" The response was again negative. Then the pastor displayed his lap top computer and said, "Maybe we can send God an e-mail!" A little five-year-old enthusiastically said, "Yeah, try www-dot-God-dot-com!"
As a Sunday School Teacher, I was teaching my 3 and 4 yr.-olds the story of
John the Baptist. I pointed to a picture of John the Baptist wearing clothes
made of animal skins.
I was baptizing some children, and I explained what I was going to do to
the other children gathered. First, I explained, I would use water, then
anoint with oil, then give a candle, then have a person in the congregation
whisper the Holy secret in the ears of each baby.
A 4-year-old boy was nosily squirming all through the church service. His father tried several times to quiet him, but to no avail. Just as I was asking for prayer requests, the boy let out a loud yell. His father, obviously at the end of his rope, picked up the boy, tossed him over his shoulder and headed out of the sanctuary. When he was nearly out the door, I continued asking if there were any more requests when this little voice yelled desperately from across the threshold, "Oh, please pray for me!"
Prior to conducting a baptismal service a few years ago, I was talking to the children about the church as a family, and our welcoming of the new brother/sister into the family. There were four ten-year-old boys sitting on the front pew, and I turned to them with the question: 'Did you know that I am your sister?' "You're my sister?!" "Yes, in the family of the church I'm your big sister." "Yeah!" was the response, "REAL big sister!" His mother was embarrassed, but the rest of us enjoyed it! - Rev. Marilyn MacDonald, Nova Scotia
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you......"
When my daughter was about four years old, she still had a hard time grasping the concept of marriage. But anyway, I got out our wedding album, thinking visual images would help, and explained the entire service to her. Once finished, I asked if she had any questions, and she replied, "Oh. I see. Is that when Mommy came to work for us, daddy?"
A Sunday School teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their letter back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, "Dear God, we had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there."
After a church service on Sunday Morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit and listen!"
A father took his 5-year-old son to several baseball games where The Star-Spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game. Then the father and son attended a church on a Sunday shortly before Independence Day. The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, "PLAY BALL!!!"
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
Understand my son was most certainly aware of God and Jesus at the time this was said. He was visiting my sister and constantly asking questions about God. After a while my sister tired of the continuous questioning and asked Joe "Doesn't your Mom ever talk to you about God?" Joe's reply "Sure she does...God made dirt, dirt won't hurt" Thanks Joe! Cheryl Follmann
My friend told me this story: He and his son were leaving church one morning. He asked his son "how did you like the service son?" His son answered, "I really like the singing, but I don't care too much for the big speech at the end."
When my daughters were little I would always tell them around Christmas that this is Jesus' birthday and he only received 3 things so do not be disappointed in what lies under the tree. When it came time for worship on Christmas morning, I asked the children what they thought Jesus would think of Santa and all the hype. Would he ask Santa a question? My youngest daughter replied, "I think Jesus would ask how come I only got three things and none of them were toys?" ... SAL Ridgeway Ontario
My best friend's little sister learned about Jesus at a very early age. And she was always very faithful about putting her seat belt on in the car. Well, for some unexplained reason she suddenly stopped putting on her seat belt. When her mother asked her why she stopped putting on her seat belt she said, "I want to go flying though the window and see Jesus." - Kassie, Houston
A priest was walking along the corridor of the parochial school near the preschool wing when a group of little ones were trotting by on the way to the cafeteria. One little lad of about three or four stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you dress funny?"
He told him that he was a priest and that this is the uniform priests wear. Then the boy pointed to the priest's plastic collar tab and asked, "Do you have an owie?"
The priest was perplexed till he realized that to him the collar tab looked like a band aid. So the priest took it out and handed it to the boy to show him. On the back of the tab are raised letters giving the name of the manufacturer. The little guy felt the letters, and the priest asked, "Do you know what those words say?"
"Yes, I do," said the lad who was not old enough to read. Peering intently at the letters he said, "Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!"
My mom had a cataract surgery and was feeling a bit dizzy from the anesthesia, when suddenly my three year old daughter, Cynthia, said to me...."Mom, I think Jesus can help Grandma feel better because I prayed to Him quietly and asked to make Grandma feel better..." It was such a nice feeling to have my three year old daughter know what Jesus can do..... Melanie Marhue
A man had a habit of grumbling at the food his wife placed before him at family meals. Then he would ask the blessing.
One day after his usual combination complaint-prayer, his little girl asked, "Daddy, does God hear us when we pray?" "Why, of course," he replied. "He hears us every time we pray."
She thought on this a moment, and asked, "Does he hear everything we say the rest of the time?" "Yes, dear, every word," he replied, encouraged that he had inspired his daughter to be curious about spiritual matters.
However, his pride was quickly turned to humility... "Then which does God believe?"
My 3-year-old daughter and I were laying down to sleep one night and I asked her if she had said her prayers. I told her that she needed to pray for her little sister because she was sick with the flu. She asked me why she had to pray for her sister. I explained to her that when someone is sick you ask God to heal them, and when there is something that you want you should pray about it. She then closed her eyes and folded her hands and said, "Dear Jesus, please send me some money so that I can buy a bike, Josie will get better by herself. Amen"
When my daughter was five, one Sunday as we were leaving church she was saying: "Ah-men, ah-men!" I looked at her, and she complained, "Why don't we ever say ah-women?"
The reason we don't say "Ah-women" is because we sing hymns not hers!
A mother asked her little girl what she learned in Sunday School. She said she learned about God creating Adam and Eve. "Tell me about it" said mother. The little girl began, "Well, God created Adam out of the dust of the earth, but he was very lonely and wanted some company, so God picked him up, sat down in a big rocking chair and rocked Adam to sleep; then took out his brain and created Eve."
A litle boy came home from Sunday School and went into his room to change his clothes. When he emerged he asked his mother, "Is it true we come from dust?" "Yes dear," replied mother. "Is it true that when we die we go back to the dust?" "Yes dear, that's right." The little boy ran into his room and came out all excited, "Mom, I just looked under my bed and there's someone either coming or going!" ...Neil, Sydney Australia
A Sunday school teacher asked her second graders if anyone knew another name for God. She expected YHWH or Elohim.
A little boy said; "Howard".
"Howard?" replied the confused teacher.
"You know," continued the boy, "Howard be thy name."
I asked a little boy; "What is a lie?" He said that it was an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of need.
My 9yo son and I approached the altar and knelt down to receive our grape juice and to take a piece of bread from the loaf. My son took a huge piece of bread off of the loaf. He had to take two or three bites to get it down.
When we got back to the pew, I quietly scolded him. I said to him "when you drink the juice there is no need to hold the cup way up in the air...and you didn't have to take such a large piece of bread...a small piece is enough!"
He hung his head low for a minute. Then he looked at me and with a sad face and puppy dog eyes and said, "but Mommy, Jesus wanted me to take a big piece." With that, I just hugged him and smiled.
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning son." "Good morning pastor," replied the young man, focused on the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked. "Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?" -- author unknown
My wife was concerned that our six-year-old daughter was developing an
overly masculine image of God. She was certain that God was a man. We tried
to explain to her that God was more than a man, God was more than a woman. At
this point our daughter said, "Listen. God is the Father, and Mary is the
mother." She said it like, 'Duh! How can these parents be so stupid?'
Our little girl had just attended a baptismal service (by emersion). When she came home she ask her mother to fill the tub so she could baptize her dolls. her mother listened carefully as she put them in the water..."I baptize you in the mane of the father, the son and in the hole you go!"
When my son was 3 yrs old, I asked him what he would like to be when he grew up.
Without missing a beat, he said, “I’d like to be a pastor.”
I then asked him why and he said, “because I get to wear a black shirt and hold a microphone.” Sylvia
Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!" submitted by Deb R
"A little boy went to church and was asked how we can get to heaven. The boy shocked everyone when he put his hands in his pocket, took out a toy gun and went: "Pao, Pao, Pao. You die!" De Pasto
I was teaching my 5 year old son the 23rd Psalm and I would say a line and he would repeat it. He was doing well until we got to "Surely goodness and mercy." He said "Shirley, girly and Murray."
Beth, Meridian, Idaho
My son was going through potty training on a day when I had several places to go. I attended a mothers' Bible study and then went to the grocery store. I was asking him quite frequently if he had to use the bathroom. At Kroger, I said to him, "Do you have to go potty?" He said, "No. I went at God's house."
I am active-duty Air Force and was deployed for a few months. During my absence, my wife continued to pack up the kids and head to church for every service. One day while driving home, my young daughter told my wife that she grabbed someone else's Bible. My wife was sure she had her own, but my daughter insisted it was not hers. She said, "No, Mommy, the name is printed right here. It says Jenine Cowhide." Turns out it was the back of the Bible which actually read, "Genuine Cowhide." My wife had to pull over she was laughing so hard...
One Sunday morning I sat in the back of the church with Anna, my four-year-old. Like most parents of young children, I was primed for a quick getaway, should something untoward occur. When the procession of the Celebrants made its stately way up the aisle, I realized that the bishop was visiting.
He marched toward the altar in all the glory of glittering robes with a tall miter on his head. Anna stood up on the pew to see over the heads in front. Just as the procession reached the altar and the bishop took center stage, she turned to me, her eyes shining with reverent awe.
"Is that God?" she asked in a voice that carried beautifully throughout the sanctuary. I watched in horror as all the shoulders in the congregation began to shake.
"Shh!" I replied, red-faced, "No!"
"Well, if it's not God, who is it?" came the voice of curiosity. I hadn't noticed before what great acoustics that church has.
"Shh, be quiet," I pleaded. "It's the bishop. He's visiting. I'll tell you all about him later." Then I swooped her up and made that quick exit all parents anticipate with dread.
I got a call that afternoon from the parish priest. He brushed aside my frantic apologies and informed me that the 'man who was not God' seemed to have a great difficulty keeping a straight face during the service!
A little boy was sitting in church next to his mother one evening. In the middle of a song, the mother thought her son was singing the song a little differently. She leaned over and heard him sing, "We bring the sacks of rice and beans." The song was "We bring the Sacrifice of Praise."
The Sunday School teacher was just finishing a lesson on honesty.
My husband and I are both ordained members of the Cumberland Presbyterian Church. We are not currently serving a church and opted to be the Chaplains at a State Park in Tennessee. We took one Sunday off to deliver a trial sermon at one of the churches searching for a pastor. However we would be preaching at the church of a friend not the searching church. The church was very large with a parking lot about the size of the entire acreage of our most recent watch. Our seven year old grandson was with us and asked us why we were there. We explained it to him and he looked at both of us with big eyes and said: "Do they know we're coming?
Theology, Kid Style
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described
the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama.
Pastor Mark Welke, Temora Lutheran Community Church